Calling All Angel Fishes
by Rachel Hawkins
Summary: A quick Luby story set after Never Say Never. Abby gives Luka some new fish to replace the ones that died.


Calling All Angel Fishes  
  
Abby cradled the heavy plastic bag in her hand as she walked up the street toward Luka's building. She'd meant it when she said she'd replace his fish, though she hadn't thought it through to the point of actually delivering the new fish to him. This was going to be the first time she'd been completely alone with him since their break-up.  
  
She'd worked on patients with him, but they'd never really been alone. She was a little worried to realize how much she missed him. Their relationship was over; all of her old feelings were supposed to go away. But hers weren't fading. Her heart still sped up a little when she was around him. And she still felt a quick stab of regret when she remembered how they'd broken up.  
  
It should have worked, she thought. They should have been able to make it work, instead of drifting apart and spouting off a litany of faults about each other. Instead of using anger and insecurity to fill the void they should have sat down and talked things through. She'd always hated long talks and as a rule avoided them if at all possible, but she should have broken her rule this time. She should have sat down and talked to Luka, because their relationship had been worth it. But she hadn't talked to him, and now it was over, and they were left with a world of shy glances and awkward pauses.  
  
It was easy to look back now and regret the mistakes she'd made. She'd shut him out, she'd pushed him away. She'd played a big part in the disintegration of their relationship. But she hadn't been the only one.  
  
You're not that pretty, you're not that special.  
  
Damn, those words had cut straight through her heart. She wondered if he really meant them, or if he'd just said them in the heat of the moment. Her steps faltered a bit as she approached his building. She wanted him to think well of her. She wanted to be special to him.  
  
She wondered if their problem had been complacency; at the end, neither one of them had worked too hard to keep the relationship together. They'd both just drifted along, letting the silences stretch out, accepting that they were spending less and less time together. They'd bickered back and forth about things that didn't matter, then let the bad feelings linger in the air, unresolved.  
  
She knocked on his door and waited. What was she going to do if he wasn't here? She could take the fish home with her, but with her luck she'd kill them and be right back where she started.  
  
The door opened. He stood on the other side of the threshold, watching her, his expression guarded.  
  
"Hi," she said, a smile flitting across her face.  
  
"Hi."  
  
They faced each other, neither quite sure what to say next. It hadn't been so long ago that things had been good between them, and they both mourned that loss. There was still caring between them, and always would be, but they'd let things get away from them.  
  
"Fish," she said, holding up the plastic bag. "I bought you some new fish."  
  
"Okay," he said, some indefinable emotion streaking across his face. It was there and gone in an instant, so fleeting she wasn't sure she'd seen it. "Come in."  
  
He held the door open and she stepped inside. "I'm sorry about all this," she said, not for the first time.  
  
"You could have just told me what happened in the first place."  
  
"I know, I know," she said as she followed him over to the new fish tank. "I just thought I could replace the tank before you got home and avoid any awkwardness...which I obviously didn't do."  
  
"It would have helped if you hadn't climbed up the fire escape," he said, a smile finally creeping into his voice. "That probably looked suspicious."  
  
She slanted her gaze up to him. "I was a little distracted when I left that morning," she said sourly. "I didn't realize I'd left the key here."  
  
"That's when you should have called and explained what happened."  
  
"You're right, but what's the fun in that?" she asked with a shrug. "I figured I'd already cracked your fish tank, so why not try a little breaking and entering?"  
  
"And what did Carter think about being dragged into this?" Luka asked.  
  
Abby held onto the bag as Luka worked the knot loose. "He wasn't too impressed," she admitted. "I wouldn't have brought him along, except I couldn't carry the tank by myself."  
  
"Is he mad at you?"  
  
"He was when we were sitting in the back of that police car. He was dialing his lawyer when you got there."  
  
Luka took the bag from her and held it up, examining the new fish. He wondered why he'd brought Carter up in the first place. It wasn't that he didn't like the man, but he'd always been there, a shadow hovering over his relationship with Abby, and Luka had resented that. It had always upset him when Abby turned to Carter with her problems, rather than him.  
  
He hated the awkwardness that was between them now. She was a good person; even if she had a hard time expressing her feelings, he knew she had a good heart. She was a strong, beautiful, stubborn woman who dealt with her heartbreak by locking it deep inside her instead of sharing it. The first time her mother had shown up, only weeks after they'd begun their relationship, she'd spoken only haltingly about her past. She'd given him little details, a few scattered incidents she'd had to deal with, but never the full story. He'd watched her buckle under the weight of the drama, but she'd never sought him out for comfort, and he hadn't known how to convince her it was okay to do so.  
  
He missed her. Even though they hadn't been close toward the end, he'd still drawn comfort from the fact that she was near. He'd loved going to and from work with her, and sleeping next to her at night. He'd gotten so used to having her next to him at night, in fact, that he was having trouble getting to sleep now, because she wasn't there.  
  
He poured the fish into the tank, and for a moment they watched the fish swim around and get used to their new environment.  
  
"I should go," Abby said finally. "Enjoy your fish." She turned away, reluctance knocking the wind out of her. She didn't want to go. She was right where she wanted to be, but she no longer had the right to stay. They weren't together anymore. They'd fought, said horrible things to each other. Why did she keep wanting to pretend it never happened?  
  
She was almost to the door when he called out to her. "Abby, wait."  
  
She turned around and watched him approach her, slowly, his hands held together in front of him. He stopped with only a couple of feet between them. He looked down at her, dropping his hands to his sides. "What I said before..." He paused, and she knew he meant that night on the street. He shook his head. "I didn't mean it."  
  
Her eyes slid shut. Her head dipped low, and she fought back a quick stab of pain before she looked back up at him. "Neither did I."  
  
Their eyes met and held, and they read the truth of their regrets in the other's gaze. Neither knew how to fight their way out of the chasm they'd dug for themselves, and both were sorry they'd fallen down it in the first place.  
  
They closed the space between them and slid into each other's arms. Luka rested his head on Abby's, just like he'd always done before. Abby nuzzled her head against his chest, breathing in his scent. It was at once perfect and so painful it felt like catching on fire. She pulled back reluctantly, because if she didn't she was going to do something stupid like burst into tears.  
  
"I'll see you at work," she told him before she turned away.  
  
Luka stood staring at the door long after she'd closed it behind her. 


End file.
